insomniac

Many nights were spent trying to think of something to say to you. Sleepless, as usual, i fathom on what is actually going on. When everything becomes buried down deep inside, Its not unusual to be forgotten and unexpressed. Whenever i close my eyes, everything suppressed came flying to me, crazy i thought, maybe im destined to be. Some reflect NO while some YES, i just cannot stop thinking. Saying is easy, the execution isn't. So i wait, for an answer.

For those that might be reading this point, its totally nonsense to you, i totally agree.

Penning down every thought is impossible, i may be relentless but i will falter. I ask myself questions i try answer yours. Squandered, yes i am. Amusingly to note, i anticipated this outcome, but i never knew i would come crashing down on me. At such a speed, it caught me unprepared and sent me reeling. Unjust it maybe, made me ponder. Does it matter? I asked, it should be priceless and unquestioned? Being jovial and disheartened, i yo-yo ed between the spectrum. Goals were nonessential, the environment chose what i became. Specifically, you chose. I wonder why. Lost and beaten.

If you are still reading, thank you.

Clenched fist, I cannot let it go. I want to be im unable. Naive, but abstracted? Ha, what a joke. Pathetic, true.
Time give up on me, i wasted it. Leaving hardly any impact. Oblivious, it might be.

Tonight was different. Less thoughts, more answers. Unacceptable answers, the cold hard facts. Thoughts come and go before you can even think about it, leaving you utterly drained emotionally. So much to say yet so little to write. Perhaps im selfish and whiny.

Probably what you would feel if you are still reading, goodness me.

I should be relieved, but still having insomnia. How ironic. How sad. How pathetic. Darn the stereotypical image. Humiliated? I thank you for your lack of judgment. Fool's errand disguised, it started, nothing much to contest about it. It ended. How come? I went down without a fight. Being cowardice and being fine and cool about it, what a fine line.

Who r u? I wanted to cry. Words from a victor, I gladly accept.

Now, where's the vending machine im looking for?