Self-containment

2nd week into fray I got myself into, 6 mods, Its relatively under control. Well, I hope so, because during OT, I don't really understand what is Sunny talking. It was sociology, then economics, then psychology, then about him going church, then about spurs losing to arsenal. Thats OT, thats Sunny and thats all the help I could get. Before that, It was Patricia rambling about how much she likes Ribena. Worst, Its was Abel making lame pun-shots and silly jokes. What a charade.

I saw you 4 times today, yes all of it was coincidental. You seem to make gravity 10 times stronger on me. Blood don't seem to flood to my brain whenever i see you, I can't talk and think coherently, and that sucks. All that humor gets sapped out of me, and thats bad. Its like scoring 34 for an UOL paper. I might say 'yeah, Its Ok, you passed', but its just not enough. I want to do better, but I really don't know how. You ain't telling me anything. That hope that I hold on to, to prevent me from being consumed by the sheer power of feeling powerless, is at the same time draining me. I thought i had dropped it, but no, its still in my hands.

I'm become like one of those miserable people, other people sees it as a disease, something that you brought onto yourself willingly. In the beginning, everyone's so supportive, they want to talk to you and readily wants to listen. Slowly, you get so tired of repeating the same thing over and over again, you stopped acting so miserable to let your friends feel assured that they done their part and its over. In fact, its not, and you cannot let the murk overflow and overspill because you don't want people to nag at you.

Most common phrases heard:

'Why can't you let it go.'
'You got to forget it.'
'I told you so.'
'I thought you were over it already?'

See? Get my point? Its all about containment, and about keeping that old disease.
The hard truth is, no matter how much people whisper into your ears, the only person that can help yourself is, You.